I can still pinpoint the dream beginning for me with NiK Kacy. As a frustrated masculine style shoe enthusiast, discovering NiK Kacy Footwear in 2015 – the first genderequal & genderfree footwear and accessories company – was a game changer. NiK’s vision, mission, and purpose bonded us in what became a true bromance. Supporting a queer-owned business, understanding the immense impact on the community, and learning about the challenges and rewards of this work ignited something in me. Through NiK, I was introduced to an incredible community of queer fashion visionaries.

In 2016, Megan and I traveled to Austin for the historic DapperQ Queer Style panel at SxSW. It was there that I truly began to see queer fashion for what it can be – visual activism. It gave me a profound understanding of how I present myself to the world. Whether it’s a reluctant ally who hasn’t experienced the struggle, or an in-the-closet onlooker unsure of their own future, style speaks volumes – a boldly silent declaration, a manifesto of self, daring to exist loudly in a world that often tries to vilify us. My manifesto is a dapper revolution!

People all too often get fashion and style confused. One of my style heroes Iris Apfel said, “Fashion you can buy. Style you must possess.” Fashion’s focus is about trends, designers, and rules. Style is about taking the constraints of fashion and intentionally bending or breaking them to suit or express oneself. Queer fashion and style by their nature questions the arbitrary rules of fashion and respond in ways that intentionally challenges all – from observers to the fashion industry itself.  There is nothing subtle about the clothing I wear or the way I self-style.

In the workplace I have been a change-maker influencing diversity, equity, and inclusion policies and founder of multiple Employee Resource and Affinity Groups – to uplift and support members of disenfranchised communities within the workplace. My recent focus is on product innovation, inclusion, and culture. Even Forbes magazine knows that inclusion drives meaningful innovation. If a target market looks, acts, feels, and thinks differently from the decision makers then they are unlikely to be served adequately. Innovation isn’t achieved when the same group of people who are afraid to step out of the box and all look the same as each other try to solve the same problem in the same way. They have intrinsic limitations to empathize and embody the problems that need solving. Inclusion driven innovation must include a seat at the table with the voice and power to drive change.

This is part of the reason why I deeply value the work of Anita Dolce Vita, the powerhouse behind DapperQ – a preeminent voice in queer fashion. Her tireless dedication has created a space where queer fashion can flourish and elevate voices that desperately need to be heard. Growing up in the 90s, I didn’t have many queer or gender-nonconforming role models to look up to. I had to create my own narrative. I remember hosting themed parties where people felt free try-on personas – using the excuse of a ‘costume’ to wear what they were too afraid to in their daily lives. These events gave us a trusted space to explore, to try on different versions of ourselves, and to step out of the closet, even if just for a night. Now, when I show up in my authentic style, it’s a declaration of visibility over erasure. Thanks to DapperQ, my style and my journey have found a deeper purpose—one rooted in community, celebration, and unapologetic visibility.

Chapter Nine of DapperQ NYFW 2024 was my fourth time walking at the Brooklyn Museum, this time invited by designer Keith Kelly to showcase his newest collection. His designs aren’t just clothes – they’re conversation starters, pieces meant to make you feel singular and proud. This year was different for me. Backstage, reflecting on my years of walking this runway, I remembered it was never just about the walk – it was about the journey, the passion, and the experiences that brought me to this moment. Every person at the Brooklyn Museum that day had their own dream. Many left with new purpose, inspired by the models, designers, and community they witnessed. Especially because sometimes surviving in ‘the real world’ may require code switching for safety at times, living our utopic dream, even if just for an evening, replenishes the soul and reminds us about what is possible.

The show instills a sense of hopefulness in those who allow. In a world that can often feel cynical and dismissive, hopefulness requires effort, vulnerability, and an unwavering belief that things can and will get better. Nick Cave said “hopefulness is not a neutral position.” It demands action, it challenges cynicism, and it reminds us that every act of kindness, self-expression, and love holds immense value. Whether it’s walking a runway in defiance of erasure or simply showing up as your authentic self, these moments of hope are what keep the “devil down in the hole.” They serve as a reminder that the world is worth believing in, and that WE are worth fighting for. I see queer fashion as an act of hope – a way to remind the world of our inherent worth and the beauty we embody.

I’ve learned to live a life rooted in gratitude. Our queer ancestors made things better and easier for me, and in turn I feel the responsibility to do the same. It is so important to build bold bridges between the generations. If I choose to take on the challenge of making this world safer for those who come after me I ought not feel resentful if they do not suffer the same pains I did. I do, however, want them to contextually understand the obstacles faced, and still do, so that they can appreciate the hard fought for freedoms and continue fighting different injustices for those who come after them.

With this in mind, I chose to embody the role of elder statesperson both backstage and on the stage – with wisdom, intention, and purpose. Walking the runway isn’t just about the fashion – it is about taking up space, challenging norms, and reminding others that they are seen and valued. It’s about empowering the next generation to dream, to fight, and to live unapologetically. It is about living the history that deserves to be celebrated.

Backstage I quickly bonded with AJ, a non-binary model walking for the first time in the DapperQ NYFW show. We explored the quickest routes to the bathroom, then made ourselves a lunch plate. I thought about the advice I wish I would have given myself during my first show and shared it with AJ. Take your time. Remember your marks. Let it in. Know that there is someone in the audience who sees themself in you. Remember how much it meant the first time YOU saw someone like you represented. Hydrate…more than you think you should. Walk in your truth. Have fun!

Behind the scenes is where my cup gets filled. Being in the thick of it with volunteers, models, makeup artists, the press, designers, photographers – everyone shines. Everyone is a star! It is choreographed chaos that dances as if everybody is watching. It is a space where scars are badges. Models representing a panoply of gender identities, generations, sizes, abilities, heights, races, cultures, and more are celebrated for a beauty that is scarcely represented elsewhere. It is, in short, how the world should be.

The DapperQ NYFW isn’t just a fashion show – it is a proclamation of self – daring us to create our own adventure. It’s about more than just clothes. It’s about who we are, who we fight for, and an ode to the dreams we dare aspire. We walk this path not just for ourselves, but for those who will come after us, knowing that every step we take makes the world a little safer, a little bolder, and a little more possible for the future they will forge.